“Are you losing weight?” You would think that those words would be music to any overweight person’s ears. Often it is quite the opposite.
Believe it or not I often purposely avoid sharing my decision to lose weight with you and it’s not because I don’t need the support. It’s because I am afraid - afraid of failure and at the same time afraid of success.
You see, when you have a long history of failed diet attempts like I do, attention is scary. It means I cease to be invisible. Yes, on one hand I like attention, but at the same time, I hate it because it means that I can no longer hide.
It’s like somehow the layer of fat covers up all of the sadness, guilt, and shame I sometimes feel. Sadness because I don’t feel good enough. Guilt because I allowed myself to get to this point. Shame because as strong as I claim to be, I can’t seem to find the courage and strength to turn this situation around and be consistent. I feel like a big fat failure and somehow, someway, carrying this protective layer allows me to hide that.
So please don’t make a big deal out of this! Recognize my progress but don’t give me too much attention. If you do I will subconsciously start sabotaging my progress so that I can become invisible again. You’re right it doesn’t make sense. But it doesn’t have too. It just needs to feel safe.
Again, don’t go on and on when you notice that I’ve lost a few pounds. If I say something to you about what I am trying to do, support and encourage me in a low-key way. Better yet, ask how you can help and listen, really listen. Don’t assume that what you would want is what I would want. What you think is helping may be hurting. Then pray.
Pray that I will not allow the voices in my head to win again. The ones that say this time will be like all the rest. Pray that this time, I win.
Change is hard. Along the journey, it is easy to get frustrated with your lack of results. Can we keep 100 though? Chances are you are even more frustrated with yourself for not being able to do what you know you need to do.
Why can't I do it?!!
Why is this so hard?!!
I know better, why can't I do better??!
Listen, you can and you will...in time.
The growth process stinks. There is no easy button. You will hate it. You will want to quit. Life will hand you plenty of excuses to quit. Your emotions will be all over the place. The voice (little v) will try and convince you that it is not even worth it. He is a liar. It IS worth it but it IS NOT going to be easy.
The breakthrough eventually comes, IF you keep going. That IF is important to remember because change is inevitable IF AND ONLY IF you do not quit!
The bottom line?
Failure often precedes victory.
It is true. There are countless examples of failing forward - biblical (the Woman with Issues in Mark 5, the Lepers in Luke 17, Naaman in 2 Kings 5) and more recent past (Thomas Edison and his 1,000 unsuccessful light bulb attempts, Oprah fired from TV, Michael Jordan cut from his high school ball team, Sidney Poitier bombed his 1st audition). What do they all have in common? Every one of them had to pass the "no one would blame me if I quit test." They all had to muster the courage to try again in the face of disappointment, embarrassment, zero results and sometimes downright humiliation. They have all taught us a valuable lesson: You have to keep moving at ALL costs.
Yes, even when it hurts. Yes, even when your results suck. Yes, even if you get it wrong more than you get it right. Yes, even when you want to kick yourself for doing or not doing "it" again...keep trying!
Don't let your frustration get the best of you. Remember what frustration is...it is simply your heart confirming that you are NOT meant to stay here!
You have somewhere to go!
You are destined to be somewhere else!
This is no longer who you desire to be!
Get and stay focused on where you want to go and it is only a matter of time before you arrive.
Until next time,
Many women report that hair concerns keep them from exercising and I'll admit that I used to be one of those women! But there is good news. It IS possible to be fit AND keep a beautiful relaxed hairstyle. I haven't always worn a "natural" hairdo :).
Here are a few hair care tips from “Sisters on the Move”, a Sisters Together women’s health care initiative:
To flatten the edges of your hairline, rub a cream or gel into your hands and smooth your hairline. Tie with a cotton scarf for at least 15 minutes. After you remove the scarf, your hairline will be smooth. [265 Point: This tip came in really handy a few times, especially when I was a few weeks out from a relaxer!]
For more tips including hair style recommendations, go to:
Sisters Together was funded as a pilot project of the Weight-Control Information Network (WIN) and was supported by the National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases (NIDDK) to address obesity prevention.
Originally published: March 11, 2011
coach tam's Blog
40-something who loves food, fitness, and fun!